You whisper to the figure in the mirror, “I don’t know who I am anymore.” The mind flashes back to the times when that special person used word “forever”, but now the word “alone” is amplified in the dictionary with a picture of you beside it. You think of everyone who has had it worse. If they can be happy with life, maybe you can too, but this doesn’t make sense, because no one has faced what you have.
The reflection in the mirror is just as somber as you are, and dark clouds cover the reflective glass. You splash water on your face to freshen up, but the water on your face begins to mesh with the one tear that forced its way from your eyes. In this moment, sadness is the new native feeling. Depression, party of one, your downfall is now available. Drunk off emotions, you just want to sober up the pain. Little do you know that fixing the problem isn’t your strength. You proceed to wipe down the mirror, but the face you give is the face the stares back.
The halls echo as you stomp into your room. Your heart burns with anger and resentment. Envy towards your loved ones sprouts from the dust. They have the perfect life you desire, but can never achieve.
Why do you have to deal with the pain?
Why are you the only one that is different?
Why hasn’t anyone reached out to save you?
You are tired of not being understood. Exhausted with remorse, what left can you give that hasn’t been depleted?
You are at the front row of the world as you implode from within. Who will “save” the world that is at danger? The superhero cape you wear is filthy. No longer can you fly away from your problems. The evil villain of self-doubt is at your doorstep. An internal battle is waged and your life is on the line. Depression is your new life coach, cheering you on from the sidelines. With an evil grin, he smiles, and, now, you’re almost at the point of no return.
For the rest of your life, you will rest on your deathbed. The covers won’t hide your shame, and your pillow smothers every breath you’re taking. The pillow talk is negative. Intimacy with your burdens fill the air.
The lifeless body that housed your soul drifts away. You sit on the edge of reality and you are about to lose it. With all resistance, you barricade your eyes and seal them shut. It doesn’t work, and fountains of pain streams down your face. They tried to give you anti-depressants already, but the best medicine is just to cry. Now, the waterbed full of tears drowns the remaining happiness available. You made the bed, and now it is time to lay in it. Sleep in it. Just fall asleep in it, because, the soundwaves of hope are drowned out by the sob of the disheartened.
Every button is being pushed. Red alert, red alert. You scream, “Man down!” but no one hears. It's a loud noise without a voice. Somehow, someway, you have to let it all out, but the lid is tight, and everything will remain in your mind. The mental torment continues. You ask yourself why love doesn’t want to live with you? Negative creatures move in with you, but they don’t pay half the rent. Heartache is your neighbor. Monsters are your roommate. Skeletons have found the key to the closet. There is no hiding the pain that you dress up in. Now, the inner peace that carried your heart is disturbed. Everybody’s judgments form the residing thoughts in your head as you go through the motions of emotions. This is so routine to you this cycle is bound to continue forever.
Your mood swings punch your loved ones in the soul with rage and animosity. Broken prayers never reached the heavens as the “Amen” was the send button you never pressed. You get told goodnight, but you go to bed worse off than before. Faith and beliefs are invisible. Bad luck is the only thing you can see.
How many loses can you take until you lose yourself?
Every fork in the road stabs at you, ready to eat you alive. The weight of these situations makes you lose weight. There is no escape from the pain. Vacate towards a vacation, it won’t help. Everything in your head is a constant reminder, and the scenic route reminds you of your ex. The examples in your life are statistics of failure.
Examples of all you’ve done wrong.
Examples of those who put you down when you thought they were down.
You work everyday to define yourself, but you can’t because your feelings are biased. You need help, so where is the assistance? Where are you looking for help? In this moment, not even Jesus has crossed your mind. They say no one gets left behind, yet here you are, so lonely, caught up in the vacuum of nowhere. The rush comes in this place. The impulse to leave it all behind the same way the world left you. You won’t be missed. No one will care if you’re gone. You try desperately to find yourself, but you can’t. You’re now the replica of everyone who never made it, and a blank stare captures the indifference like a still photo. Please, give in one more shot, and strap down the last bit of decency remaining in your soul.
The first attempt to rise fails.
The second attempt is nullified by the lack of will.
The city begins to fall. There is no hand to pull you up or a standing body to lean your problems on. You were cut from a different cloth that is stained from a ruthless past. You steadily became a human billboard, advertising your defeats and sufferings to those around you. The playground in your head has been housing something darker. With valiant effort, there seems to be some fight left within, but where is it going to? You will die for what you believe in. You will die for your friends and family, but suicide is not the method to uphold these goals. You’ve lived this nightmare for so long, you wonder if you ever set the alarm clock back to reality. Everything Fades. Spirit, faith, and strength die inside - just like the walking holocaust that you are. You lock the door, cry, and pray to God as you know there is no denying him.
This is it. You will either live with the pain or you will succumb to it. It is clear it will never leave, at least for the moment, but if you give up now they will bury you six feet underground. There will always be a light at the end of any tunnel, because the curse can be a gift if you know how to use it. It is majestic to utilize what should kill you to help you grow. The soul of a fighter walks barefoot over the fire. Unleash everything you are trying to suppress. Pain is fire, and as far as I know, fire creates energy. We are all built differently, but the byproduct of pain shouldn’t be defeat. The byproduct of pain should be growth and a passion to push harder. When was the last time you were pissed off for greatness?
The eighth wonder of the world is mysterious, but the eighth wonder of the world must rest in those who can translate their negative emotions into a drive; a drive to succeed when all you have accepted is defeats. We all want happiness to drive us, but life is scarce in those emotional resources. If God can use bad for a good purpose, why can’t we? We were made in His image so we have that power as well. We must begin to use our negatives as a blessing to further ourselves on a greater path.
Pain. Why is everyone afraid of pain? It is a word that carries the weight of negative connotation. It is rare that anyone relishes in the pain that they are enduring. No one likes to be hurt. No likes to feel alone. No one wants a spearhead of destruction to pierce through their heart. Regression isn’t comfortable, and a person that falls on their face doesn’t feel lucky. So what is it about pain that can be good? How is pain a blessing in disguise?
Pain is the precursor to growth and the inception to strength. Think of an athlete. The benefits of being sore are growing muscles from microscopic tears in the body. The ladies know that pain is beauty. Getting waxes are painful, but it makes you to feel gorgeous in the end. Did you catch that last word? END. Pain is worth it in the END if you allow it to be, and like the ladies painfully getting waxed, the end result is beauty in their eyes. C’mon, now, ladies, you know what I’m talking about. Your self-esteem raises after those beauty pains, and allows you to strut in a similar fashion like Giselle during the Victoria Secret Fashion Show. This is all because of why? You guessed it, pain.
Before receiving a knife in his gut, Batman was told by his deceitful lover, “Suffering builds character.” There is truth in this statement that comes from The Bible. The lesson here is; as long as you can accept pain as a blessing, somewhere in the line rests an opportunity for growth. Those who complain about pain are the ones who will always be the same. Pain either builds or destroys. Life lessons are not fluffy and comforting like using a girl’s stomach as a pillow. Pain is a life lesson waiting to be used to fulfill your goals. Pain grants you anger and motivation to push through the destruction you are feeling.
Sometimes, you will fail in the attempt to succeed.
Sometimes, the emotional pain from a break-up or the loss of a loved one will be too much to bare.
Sometimes, you just want to win without taking one damn loss.
Never forget that pain and failure are correlated, but always remember that failure is a pit stop for success is you develop from it. Take advantage of the pain, not vice versa. Don’t let the pain control you. The pain of staying the same is worse than the pain of changing. Some of the best musicians share their pain in music, the result, amazing music. It is amazing to find how much of our self-growth comes from pain. Don’t be the person who neglects growing from the life lessons pain is giving you. Persist through it. 96.78% of the time it gets worse, before it gets better.
People in pain have the best stories to share.
People in pain are the most motivated, because being pissed off for greatness has no comparison.
People in pain reflect more, and have a deeper insight to alter their future.
Pain makes you an emotional veteran. It is no secret pain will break you down before it makes you better, but there is always a turning point to every story. There is a climax and a resolution. When you reach the climax of pain, you are ready for the resolution. Once you decide to wake up from the slumber it puts you in, everything will become clear. Use that pain and flourish. Pain is the universe’s way of preparing you to take over the world.
The best example of using pain to succeed is no other than my man, Maximum Decimus Meridius. You may know him better as The Gladiator played by Russell Crowe. Destined to be the savior of a corrupt Rome, his plans are spoiled by the fallen Emperor's son, who killed his very own father to rule over Rome. After refusing to serve a murderous son, Russell Crowe’s family is killed before he can return to their aide to save them. He buried his wife and son, then landed on his knees in despair. Soon after this tragedy, he is captured as a slave and forced to fight for his life as a gladiator. The pain of losing his family made him fearless of death. He won every gladiator fight and with the attention of the murderous emperor before him, he vowed vengeance. He was pissed off for greatness. To restore balance to Rome by defeating the evil emperor became his only mission. His pain afforded him the motivation and focus to win. His pain gave him the strength to succeed, even when he lost it all. He allowed his all-time high to be inspired by his all-time low.
This can be you as well. Millions of movies and books all have one thing in common, pain.
The pain of failure.
The pain of falling.
The pain of being cheated on.
The pain of quitting on yourself.
The pain of not being enough.
We as people can’t go out like this. We are all destined for greatness, so as we reach the end of this, we must redefine the word “Pain”.
Pain is losing so many times, you do something different to win.
Pain is finding a way out, and placing yourself where you want to be.
Pain is getting told no, and letting it affect you until you do something about it.
Pain is your muscles ripping to be stronger.
Pain is your mind becoming exhausted until you learn.
Pain lives within all of us. We will feel more pain than happiness in our lifetime, so it is important to learn how to fuel ourselves with the negative more than the positive. Will you let pain drive you, or let it destroy you?
As you lie in bed, realize that staring at the ceiling isn’t nearly the same as staring into your lover's eyes. It isn’t the same as staring at your future and deciding to do something to get there. No foundation exists, but you didn’t plan for your life to end here like this. The pain drowned you, but now it’s time to make it float your boat. You didn’t fall down on purpose, but you got up because the clock struck midnight, and you found the story isn’t over. The Cinderella story has just begun. This is your movie based off of a true story. In this moment, you truly understand that a legend is in the making.
If riches and glory were handed to you, would you have ever suffered? If you never suffered, how much character would you have built thus far? If the choice is yours, what fork in the road will you take? The easy road or the narrow path. The narrow path offers pain. It offers growth from the lessons learned the hard way. What path will you choose? Success comes from multiples failures. Are you strong enough to welcome pain to change your life? Does the story of a man who is given it all inspire? There are no movies of people inheriting money and living happily ever after in the first few minutes. It would be boring. There would be no story. There would be no message for the people. The story of rags to riches is the story people love. It is the story we all aspire to emulate. Every movie has a problem. Happily ever after is a result of the solution. It can only be achieved after you fall and get back up.
Reflect on your life. Now, get out of bed because the pain has made you stronger than ever. Success is just beyond your reach. Extend your hand further. The end is not far. As angels watch over the completion of your story, solve the aftermath of the struggles you’ve endured. Slowly become the underdog who overcame. Never quit. It’ll be more painful if you never try.